Reckon you're busier than a Beruit bricklayer? Not anymore old son
Israel has decided to act once and for all, on the threat posed by Hezbollah on their Northern border and it has to be said, it's been due for a long while.
These pathological thugs don't attack military targets or civil infrastructure, they want to wipe out the Jewish people. Even children are rationalised as targets because most Israeli citizens have to serve some term of military service. So to Hezbollah's thinking, when they kill a child, they are killing people who will be soldiers in the future.
Then, when Israel decides to act, they play the victim card.
Of course there will be innocent civilian casualties when Israel retaliates, because these murdering scum hide amongst the civil populace.
Lebanon doesn't help the situation, Hezbollah have a say in government, they are fed, clothed and protected whilst conducting a cowardly campaign of genocide on the Jewish people.
Then European governments and the UN chide Israel about 'proportionality' in their response. Who are they kidding? If Hezbollah had the aircraft and bombs, everyone knows what they would do, they have espoused it long enough.
Oh, and 'root causes' is an absolute cop-out, a murderer is a murderer, a soldier is a soldier, sometimes a man can be both, but generally, soldiers are held to a higher standard of morality.
Unlike cowardly murderers who attack civilians.
Also, I hope the Israelis are aware of the fact that there are thousands of Lebanese Australians over there at the moment, and they should be prepared for a retalitory strike involving a couple of hundred men with iron bars and baseball bats calling each other 'Bro' and trying to break the windscreens of anyone who wasn't involved in the strikes.
Just a heads up, thats all.
I can just see it now:
"Habib, bro, are you sure about this? It's just that big green thing doesn't look much like a Toyota Corolla, and what's that big long thing swinging around on us?"
"It's cool bro, um, just hold this baseball bat for me will ya, I'll be right back".
Cut to Schlomo the tank gunner "Aaiiee! Quick back up! One of them is a Cronulla veteran!"
Dak dak dak dak boom.

It's not much fun when 'cars' have the ability to fight back - huh, revenge of the cars, cool.

Finally, my chance to tamper with the unstoppable power of the atom has arrived
Apparently cursory planning approval has been given to build an Open Pool Light Water reactor at Lucas Heights, site of our country's only (small) research reactor.
Naturally every greenie within a 5000km radius will be going up in flames about now, even Senator Bob Brown will have to suspend his expedition to rescue gay whales to put his two bits in.
The usual suspects have already been on the news with the usual 'Oh God! Don't you realise that we could all be killed' rants.
Now, I am not a scientist, however I have read the views of some people who are qualified to speak about the dangers and advantages of another small reactor being built. Mostly, they seem to be for it.
Then we have the rant 'Oh God! Don't you realise that there will be an accident and all of your children will die!'
The current reactor provides radiopharmacuticals, in fact it is our only home grown source.
My nephew, who is nine, has cancer, in remission now thankfully. He benefited from the fact that he could receive chemotherapy, as have thousands of other children.
Thus, to all of the screaming naysayers, get f**ked.

I love the environment, but not more than the life of a child, and I don't believe that life should be held hostage to a belief system (and that is unfortunately what the environmental movement has become).
So, Senator Brown, go back to fellating fur seals or somesuch, and give everyone a break.

Disclaimer: No whales or small children were harmed during the writing of this post, however several fur seals were satisfied. Senator Brown has refused to comment.
(Apparently his mouth was full at the time).

If only George Negus' moustache could speak, the stories it could tell
Ah, I have such a warm feeling when I see George Negus on television, a feeling that there is a balance to the world.
After all, who better to tell me about all of the terrible things happening in my country than a man who lives in a villa in Tuscany?
Wanker.
But I do wonder, if Georges' moustache could talk, what would it have to say for itself?
Would it be ashamed of that one drunken awards night spent with Jana Wendt?
Or the time that Yasser Arafat totally lost control?
The public should be told!
Please George, stop gagging the lady tickler and let it tell all?
I for one wait with baited breath.
However, I won't hold it, that would just be childish.

Smiling like Jack Nicholson in 'The Shining' is not a good move on the first date
I recently went out to dinner with someone I met on the net, (yes, laugh it up), and found I was so nervous I was grinning like a maniac at everything she said. This is apparently not a good thing.
However, after imbibing several glasses of wine, I actually stopped grinning like a serial killer and started talking.
Since I am a person who could talk under wet concrete, that seemed to work well (she now thinks that I am not only deranged, but also impossible to shut up).
So much for first impressions.
After even more wine, I had decided to marry this woman, a decision not taken lightly, but based on the supposition that she did have a certain something about her.
She didn't run away.
She has taken my request under consideration, bless her, but for some reason isn't answering the phone?

The four legged Weapon of Mass Destruction strikes again
Oh, joy of joys, Calisto the wonderdog has brought me yet another example of nature's bounty.
Anyone who would like a half chewed and thoroughly dead possum, please apply.
What ever happened to the law of Natural Selection?
One would think that the possums around here would have learned by now, she is not just 'another big possum', but a warp ten killing machine hell bent on the decimation of the possum populace?
I do admit that she can appear quite fetching to people, however we are larger than the average mammal, (and on occasion, more intelligent), but I cannot bring myself to think that possums are that stupid?
No, I believe there is a darker motive, whereby possums are sacrificing themselves for the good of the group.
Think about it, she is busy chasing possum A, whilst possums B,C,D (hell, all of them) are raiding my vegie garden.
Such selflessness.
We could learn so much from our possum friends.
If the dog only stopped killing small, fast moving things.
Oh lord, when will this cycle of violence stop?
Here is a photo of the beast, please, I beg you, don't let this continue.

It might not be the kind you want, but at least it's sex
I have heard from a friend today about how prisoners in the Supermax facility here in NSW are upset by the fact that they have little (basically no) interaction with each other.
I just had to think, 'well, when your neighbours are notorious murderers and gang rapists, who wouldn't want to build bridges'?
I have visited Supermax, and had the displeasure of seeing Ivan Milat (batshit crazy, as it happens), make the simple act of dipping a biscuit in his tea appear chilling.
As a taxpayer, I say yes, let them all meet, in a nice confined space, then lock the door and turn your backs, dear screws.
I kind of like the idea of Bilal Skaf and his brother sneaking up on old 'Crazy Ivan' hoping to get a little 'summer loving' for themselves.
Most appropriate.

Global Warming / Cooling / Some bloody thing has killed my Goldfish
Oh, when will those pollution mongering b*****ds ever learn?
Today, TwinkleToes the goldfish (named for his distinct lack of same) has died.
Thank you for not signing the Kyoto Treaty, now his fishy blood is on your hands.
I refuse to belive he committed suicide by oxygen, this just smells like a conspiracy.
Well , he smells like something, anyway.

Update: And, final clue, didn't taste like chicken.

Swearing at people in Gibberish.
Being naturally gifted in Gibberish, and having to brave the mean streets of Sydney in peak hour, I have come up with a fun way to spend my time whilst idling along the idiot choked freeway.
I have found that, instead of the usual subtle 'f**k you!' which appears to be the norm, you can garner much more attention from swearing at people in Gibberish.
This is much harder than it sounds, as you first have to think in Gibberish to speak it.
Luckily, I am a fluent Gibberish thinker, and hence, speaker.
There is nothing as funny as screaming out the window in incomprehensible Gibber, and eliciting a stunnned 'huh?' look from someone.
Screaming 'markle jusit balfasted!', can indeed, when paired with appropriate hand gestures, be extremely rewarding, as it elicits not only the indignation, but also the confusion of the person being insulted.
I was lead to this discovery after having to catch cabs in Melbourne, and one journey in particular, the Punjabi cab driver could have been saying 'two pieces of flake, minimum chips, oh, and a bizarre sexual act from your mother' in urdu for all the comprehension he recieved.
So, that was my inspiration for studying this most ancient of verbal arts, and I am proud to say that so far, it has indeed been highly successful.

Well, hello world?
Hmmm, the all important first post, which will hopefully set the tone of the whole experience.
Oh f**k it, I hate writer's block, I really hope this isn't the precursor to a bout of (admittedly not very) literary performance anxiety?